Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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