We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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