Just fell off a train. Bad.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
