In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
