What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
