She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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