don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
