ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
