he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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