I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
