She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
