Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
