Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
