i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
