Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
