and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
