i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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