you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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