i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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