Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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