You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
