he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
