bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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