We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
