Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
