Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
