Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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