Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
