I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
