Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
