after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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