She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize