Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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