Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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