Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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