my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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