when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
