Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
