Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
