I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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