Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
