and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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