we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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