If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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