Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
