Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
