I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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