omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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