His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
