i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
