am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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