remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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