On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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