When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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