Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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