he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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