I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
