Nicole vs. Life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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