so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
