You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
