I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
