i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You made out with two different species that night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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