Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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