I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
