was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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