it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
