I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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