Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
