I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
