I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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