Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
