Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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