I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
