Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Randomize
