Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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