if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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