I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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