I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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